By Kafayat Oyewo-Oyelere
Allah says in Surah Al-Hujurat (49:13):
“O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Verily, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.”
This beautiful verse reminds us that our true worth is not what society says, but in our taqwa, our consciousness of Allah.
- What is a Woman’s Essence in Islam?
A woman’s essence is her fitrah. The pure nature Allah created her with. Her iman (faith), her haya (modesty), her intellect, her compassion, her strength as a mother, daughter, sister, wife or even standing strong alone, are all part of her essence.
Our mother Khadijah (RA) embraced her essence: a successful businesswoman, a loyal and supportive wife, and the first believer. Aisha (RA) embraced hers too, a scholar, narrator of hadith, and teacher to men and women. Maryam (AS) embraced her essence, devoted, pure, obedient to Allah.
These women did not allow their societies to define them. They let Allah define them.
2. The Weight of Societal Expectations
In our communities today, especially here in Ogun State, many young girls are still limited by harmful customs:
“A girl should not go too far in school.”
“She should marry early, even if she’s not ready.”
“She must not dream too big.”
Many mothers feel pressured to stay silent in the face of injustice, to hide their pain, to tolerate disrespect because, “What will people say?”
Yet the Prophet ﷺ taught us:
“There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to the Creator.”
If a culture contradicts Islam’s call for dignity, knowledge, or fairness, then we must stand for what is right.
3. How Do We Embrace Our Essence?
- Through knowledge
“Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim.” (Hadith, Ibn Majah)
Knowledge helps us understand our rights and responsibilities.
- Through confidence in our faith
Be proud to be a Muslim woman. Cover your beauty with haya, but never cover your intelligence or silence your voice when it is needed for truth.
- Through supporting each other
The Prophet ﷺ said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (Bukhari, Muslim)
For us sisters: wish good for one another, lift each other up, and never compete in envy or gossip.
- Through good tarbiyyah (upbringing)
Mothers, raise daughters who know Allah, speak the truth, and see your example of strength and kindness. Raise sons who honour women, respect boundaries, and uphold justice.
- Through earning a halal living and being productive
Our mother Khadijah (RA) was a successful businesswoman, a shining example for Muslim women who work or run businesses today. In Nigeria, many sisters sell fabrics, foodstuffs, or run online stores. Do it with honesty and excellence.
Your work becomes ‘ibadah when done right.
“The best of earnings is that which a person earns with their own hands.” (Musnad Ahmad) and this includes women too.
- Through modesty and dignity in public spaces
Whether in the markets of Mile 12 or Balogun, on campus at OAU, or in an office in Abuja, your hijab and your character speak before you do. Modesty is not just about covering the body but also about speech and behaviour.
“…And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity…” (Qur’an 24:31)
- Through contributing to the community
Umm Salama (RA) and Aisha (RA) taught and gave fatwas; today, sisters teach in madrasahs, run Islamic NGOs, or volunteer at mosques. Many Muslim women in Lagos organise free Ramadan feeding or run widows’ support groups. Use your skills to serve others. Teaching, nursing, counselling, or law, all can be sadaqah jariyah.
- Through keeping good company
Peer pressure is real, whether in Lekki or Ikorodu. If your friends push you to abandon your deen, find better company. The Prophet ﷺ said: “A person is upon the religion of his close friend…” (Tirmidhi)
Attend sisters’ halaqahs, online classes, Islamic events. Surround yourself with women who remind you of Allah.
- Through resilience in trials
Women in Nigeria face unique struggles; single mothers, widows, working wives. Remember Maryam (AS), alone, misunderstood, yet Allah honoured her patience. Whatever people say, Allah sees your silent sacrifices.
“Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Qur’an 2:153)
Through remembering that Islam honours you
Some homes tell girls, “You’re just a woman.” Islam says the opposite. Paradise lies under your feet as a mother. Your education is your right. Your voice for good is your duty. Don’t shrink — stand tall as a Muslimah.
- Through balancing dunya and akhirah
In Lagos’ hustle culture, everyone wants to “make it big”. But don’t sell your akhirah for this world. Earn, learn, grow but pray on time, guard your dignity, and keep your intentions pure.
“This world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever.” (Muslim)
4. Overcoming Expectations with Faith
When you fear, “What will people say?” ask instead, “What will Allah say?”
When society mocks your dreams, remember the Prophet ﷺ was mocked too. The righteous always face resistance before success. Be patient, be steadfast, make du’a, and trust that Allah never wastes the effort of the sincere.
“…And whoever fears Allah, He will make for him a way out and provide for him from where he does not expect…” (Qur’an 65:2–3)
Never forget who you are in the sight of Allah. Be like Maryam (AS) in devotion, like Khadijah (RA) in loyalty and strength, like Aisha (RA) in knowledge.
Break the limits that hold you back with wisdom, patience, and unity. May Allah make you leaders in your homes, schools, and businesses.
